[DD] Somewhere In My Heart! - LIVE HERE IN THE CITY - NO NOSTALGIA - [23.04.24]
Second DAILY DROP for Tuesday 23 April 2024. A Mournful, Morbid, Morning, Musing.. includes a FULL AUDIO melancholic mix that I made with my own fair hands; fueled by a fucked up heart. I Love You! x
This morning it feels that I am walking precariously down the back streets of my mind. Often looking too far forward and almost smashing into side walls of where I am. Looking ahead to the nostalgia that is no longer live there. The City Pub is where my Dad liked to drink when he travelled from Wythenshawe, Greater Manchester to meet me and my partner in our stomping ground Manchester City Centre. This video was taken one afternoon as I was walking home from our GP Surgery. It’s basically on my doorstep. I live around the corner from that pub which closed down shortly after my Dad died, I once made a joke, that “they must have gone bust” without Dad’s money…. NO one else laughed.. because, it wasn't quite accurate. It’s just the way I think strange. We do have a handful of memories of joining him in there but like I said before - it was a treat for him and not his own local watering hole. He wasn’t even a big ‘Pub Drinker’ so my joke was ridiculous really. I just wanted to believe that they missed him too. That the pub he loved just couldn’t LIVE HERE without him and make up for me doing just that - living - with (mostly) No Nostalgia. Dad’s death is ever present and rooted in my brain, its been 7 fucking years. Sorry, I’m swearing because I feel stress, I hate it. I remember his death - raw and unreal - unexpected (but preempted perhaps) potentially suicide - I won’t go into that as it suffocates my ability to feel any lingering warmth of nostalgia with wistful memories that last long enough for me to love the life we lived, now where he no longer exists. Instead I still make daft jokes like how much Gregg’s Hot Chocolate tastes beautiful even though it’s the kind of machine produced beverage that you’d find in places like offices and the morgue.
On a much lighter note..
How VERY urban !! Looks Like A Dutch Canal But Is Just near us NEW ISLINGTON area in ANCOATS (in the City) Loads of people LIVE HERE on boats.
This is a small video clip from when my partner and Lola were at the same canal and she went into the ‘lake bit’ x
The Muse UPDATE - I THINK THEY ARE Still ‘‘Un-amused’’ Maybe?
I crumbled…. I got back in touch … as a concerned friend ONLY… and I received a cold message reply from them.. then Nothing. At. All
I think I explained to him my paranoid theory that all the while when I believed we were embarking on a natural journey into friendship and flirting maybe more… THEN this worrying now that he could he have just been feeling sorry for me, pity on me, like in the NETFLIX series ‘BABY REINDEER’ …I only wanted reASSurance that I am actually a REAL FRIEND. No answer is really the actual answer and if I am thinking I might be a problem then…
I AM PROBABLY THE PROBLEM
A SOURCE OF DISCOMFORT IN THEIR LIFE
NO ANSWER IS AN ANSWER
*See in the SECOND SECTION of my NEWSLETTER the moment where I discovered this could be ME - my reaction to the ‘revelation’ *sigh*
NOW that was a bit effin’ moody and miserable..! I feel completely FINE now. I’m alright. I hope you have a lovely rest of your day on Tuesday 23 April 2024. I am taking the day off to devote to doing some ‘ME TIME READING’ which one of these should I read first.. (pick the best out of a bad bunch.. I Don’t Think They’re Bad.. I like the TONE in Anne Rice’s Novels.. I Never SENSE Her Own VOICE .. just TONE.
Thank you for all your continued Love N Support… I SEE YOUR HEARTS out there!
Just terrific Writing and assemblage, Chasey. Keep up your excellent (inner and outer) work. :)