The Reverse: A Little Update! x
12 November 2024 - PRIVATE means Diary Entry Musings with a huuge dollop of fuck everything ..xx
12 November 2024
The ignorance of happiness still bequeaths me. I enjoy waking up and feeling a sense of vibration in my skull again. Good intentions and a heavy flow of ideas running through my veins and flipped the middle finger to the unforeseen future. I found myself attempting to pray yesterday, at the window exhaling smoke poised at the edge of insanely trembling fingers. I perched on the ledge, arched my back into what became a long stretch; and a thought occurred to me. AM I DICING WITH DEATH? Can I make a pledge addressed to the universe or Jesus or Underground Inhabitant Sand Creature from The Railway Children’s storybook? I caught myself between begging for another chance to live, ‘save my life or at least don’t take it from me now because… ‘ OMG! I know from my own experience that EVEN if my life is spared for a short while longer, that will mean more suffering and would I be capable of more? Should I not just thrown my hand in now? Quit while I’ve been given the chance to exit. Or carry on and face the consequential price of living?
“THE ONLY DREAMS THAT I HAVE LEFT ARE THOSE THAT FIND ME WHEN I SLEEP” - Chasey Delaney
Last night I realised something so obvious but to which I was oblivious to or maybe deluded by my own illusion with my life.
We Don’t All Die The Same
