Love's Back Burner [03/12/23]
6 NOTES TO A MUSE.... from an old Lyrics Thief. Me! x
I never got to tell you that I’m sorry for loving you so randomly and uneconomically. I never apologised for gatecrashing your life. Forgive me is all that you can’t say… oh! Look! I nicked the lyrics from a song for you. You don’t even have to. I know you were as pleasant as you could be. It hurts that you’re capable of much more. Like everyone else in my life who have seen me throw away my soul in front of them, or at them, landed in their laps. They shoo it away like a scabby cat that has just been sick on their knee. That’s me.
You never said nothing of what you knew… I stole that line from this song. It was handed down to me from another loved one who walked away from me blaming everything on me. He left me with a gem of eternity, and with the same disrespect he gave, I pass this onto you. It is me walking away but in our case I had nothing to walk away from.
I talked about this thing today of me not being wanted. If you had wanted me in your life you would never have said anything that might send me away. You minced words to a pulp and condensed them more than a can of Campbells chicken soup. You were stingy with your words and words were all we had to take my heart away… yeah I stole that from another song. You were careless with your tone too. I would love the return the “here’s your fucking LOL” and I shall do it with this tongue-in-cheek tearjerker. I had to love you with a Pinch of salt. I had to because I didn’t know how not to. I saw you, I came and you conquered.
I can’t fight this feeling anymore… you guessed it, another song robbery… I thought you would be more conversational. I thought you might show me a gentler type of kindness. I scared you off with my transparency and you could never take compliments. I thought you meant that with only the attractive women and people who you admired. I thought a lot about my relatively easy approach. The fact that I was ugly and taken and far away in distance, you might just be the voice of reason. Talk me down from everything and at most be my friend. I’m so alone and have nobody to bounce off intellectually. Even at my high school level.
I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you… I remembered when you first heard from me and those few hours that I was single again. If only that had continued then maybe you might have been a bit more interested. A bit more open to me. I’m glad things are the way they are now. You could have hurt me more. I had the fucking silent treatment. Lack of communication and disconnect.
I’m sorry I sort of ghosted you for a little bit but baby I became part of a new trend. I also managed to zombie you too because I came back from the dead about three days later. You’re not the only one around here that needs a bit of fresh air… I’ll call it a night for now. I still love you and I never expected you to love me back, I never aimed to get you. I hoped at the very least you might have been my friend and maybe keeping me on love’s back burner.