'FOREVER JUNG' Be Courageous & Be Brave.. [FREE PDF DOWNLOAD]
INNER WORK resources, A Weird View of INNER Me, Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious by C.G. Jung (Part 1) 600pages - Free PDF Download. 25-NOVEMBER-2024
Monday - 25 November 2024 (posted on Tuesday 26)
What Inner Work Is Like For Me?…
I ruminate on things. I try to figure out if my upbringing was the best version of what I want to believe it was or the worse that I only realised after the fact. I wonder if my Nana had given me all of her love, if I was loved honestly, genuinely or not at all. If I am repeating history or at whether history is repeating on me. This is crazy, but for instance; my dog is the love of my life.
I adore her, love her would do anything to protect her. Yet, my dog dismisses me completely as soon as my partner is around. If he shouts at me, she turns on me too. He treats her good, yes, but with less compassion, heart and calm as I do. It’s like she is programmed to choose the ‘tough life’ over an easy one, and I can’t help but compare myself as a child to how my dog is now.
How upsetting it must have felt for my Nana, who raised me on the breadline, doing the very best she could do, protecting me from the cruel sordid worlds of my young and fucked up Mum and Dad. I gravitated towards my Mum in her absence and when she came back on the scene I was eager to emulate her and impress. Gave up everything I had with my Nana, including my schooling (I hated that anyway), my safety, comfort, protection and dare I say, love.
My inner work isn’t related to this transpersonal psychology which I only wish I could get into on a very, very basic, surface level at least because of my lack of education and not much natural ability, but a desire to learn about myself on a deeper level now under the umbrella diagnoses of paranoid schizophrenia, as much as I would like to try harder at this personal process.
I wonder if it is prevalent to do so (of course I can do what the fuck I want, read what I like and learn whatever) I think I am just hyper aware that I might have a more limited time to live (than most) and also I guess I want permission to do it, or even the heads up that it might be a pointless pursuit. Like teaching a dog to read a newsletter, would we ever know if it has been successful? Especially as they can’t articulate in any other way than a bark.
“A Goldfish Climbing A Coconut Tree!”
I am mortified about MY comment (for a start is it not called a Palm Tree?). I wish I hadn’t left my mark on one of my favourite YouTube channels. The content is incredibly BEYOND-academic and delivered by a genius whose knowledge and video production have made me believe that it is actually accessible to the likes of little old ‘Educating Rita’ paranoid schizophrenic me!
I discover THE BEST BOOKS (further reading suggestions) YouTube Channel - JORDAN THORNTON - INNER WORK
I said I am mortified. I am because my comment wasn’t posted on any particular video but on a community post about the Ego. I feel out of my depth and that’s why I’m so very embarrassed; and because, as you know my writing and me so well by now, I struggle with being concise. I write far too many words. I write 100 words to say what could have been said with just 10. This comment was no different. As an after thought;
What I should have said:
I have paranoid schizophrenia can I still do inner work?
What I actually wrote was this!
“I want to work on reconstruction of my Ego. My ego death occurred in 2006 then I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. There's a huge backstory that make many of your videos relevant to me. I have no fundamental understanding of inner work but would love to try to engage in the personal process (i.e. buy the books, watch the videos, figure it out) but I feel like a lost cause like I might have tiptoed too far across the celluloid line that kept Dorothy on the yellow brick road and the rest of the world tucked up safety in bed. I have been subscribed for a while now. Thank you for everything here. My question is can I do this too? or would it be like a goldfish climbing a coconut tree? (My PS is fully controlled, no auditory hallucinations anymore and I have NO desire to use the information available here as an alternative to medication, I just want to help myself determine what parts are me, what's the PS and how to dilute the latter). Sorry if I sound cuckoo now!... it happens when I talk about the illness :) Thanks and nice one for your time and consideration in reading my comment. Chasey Delaney, 42, Manchester UK.”
Jordan Thornton - Inner Work Channel Suggests Reading The Ego And The Dynamic Ground by Michael Washburn Jordan Thornton says and I quote: “Advanced book, not beginner friendly or instantly accessible, but it’s an exceptionally accurate exploration of ego development within the context of transpersonal psychology”.
This was the song played on an advert on the telly so many times during the last days of my Nana’s life. Me, My Nana and my best uncle used to look at each other with chills and goosebumps every time it came on while we were together in the living room.
I feel like I have underestimated her love and care for me. I feel like I have been unappreciative of everything she did for me. Then there’s the side of me that is grateful and understanding or her influence in my life, her influence which has helped shape me as an adult.
It’s this Ego death which reflects her kind, soft, gentle soul in me. It took me to die a few times and kill off the negative immature Ego before I could relate to the Nana I remember. It’s almost like I have turned into my Nana, which is how I realise that she must have been as unhappy as I am, struggling with demons as I do.
In those days mental illness wasn’t a common theme. It was hidden, unrecognised, frowned upon. I wonder if my Nana was always feeling like I do now. Unloved, unappreciated, unwanted, unhappy, uncertain, depressed, scared, low self-esteem and all the things I have been feeling since I lost my way, lost the ego and became what I am today. A fucked up people pleasing, selfless, and constantly fucking angry (under the skin).
I manage my resentment and anger and have a tight handle on self control in that context but it comes out in other ways. Needy and dependant, paranoid, jealous, anxious, worried and my resilience is used up on maintaining full composure and keeping a lid on the person who I used to be.
I hate that girl and glad I killed her off but also wishing I had kept her strong suits too. Hence why learning about shadow work and how to build or regain a healthy Ego really matters to me. This Cancer health scare is bringing me back to myself, where I have felt lost or detached from who I am or want to be, I am now coming back into myself, not as the old versions of my, and changes need to be made for the dickhead I have been for fourteen years too long.
I need to Frankenstein my mind.
Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious Part 1 - C. G. Jung (Click HERE for FREE DOWNLOAD).
That doesn’t seem like an unusually long post to me. And even if it was, wouldn’t a lot of the people there understand?