DD: Deadlines = Deep Cleaning!! x
29 MAY 2024 - Just a DAILY DROP including Project Chasey update.
Hello Again..I’m Briefly Back w/💌
…….. Hope You Are Doing Alright.!?
It’s me Chasey, now as promised here is my daily update previously known as the DD - Daily Drop *laughs* Also as promised I have been working on my article, confessional letter, essay (whatever it is going to turn out to be) for the personal ‘relationship issues’ post on *NEW*JustClingingOn newsletter. I have said that it might take me longer than the usual full day or two days max.. more possibly this one would be written over the course of a week. However, it’s 22:16 and I’m already 860 words in and as I have no actual deadline for this post, I wish to crack on with it up until midnight (with a view to it being ready to publish by then) and see where we’re up to. On that note I have to get this one out now. All day I have been navigating a deep clean of the house and my mind and soul.
Many HUGE THANK YOUS.. for coming here and spending time with me..! xx
HEADS UP - Tomorrow’s Daily Drop will be encouraging writer’s to work with the prompt suggested at the end of this message. If you would rather wait and find out tomorrow that’s absolutely cool. This is me checking in with you anyway! xxx
Project Chasey.
I applied myself today by not listening to the underlying feelings of doubt, in myself, in my partner’s motives to be with me and his fidelity, I put everything into perspective. I began to realise that if I wanted this relationship to continue, after months of considering its demise, then I would have to work as hard as I could to make sure all my actions and behaviours matched up to those I expected from him. If I was doing all the right things possible and it still wasn’t working or flowing like it used to, like it should be then that would be when I take the next step to try and terminate our connection. As it stands I didn’t want the end to happen (not like this anyway).I picked up his household jobs and took the lead to take the weight off him at this precise moment.
he hadn’t been feeling like participating in anything to do with the daily living arrangements at home but I had taken this to be a direct reflection of his head and heart (cock and balls an all!) belonging somewhere else to someone else. If that was still the case then I would just make the space we like better for myself first and hopefully his interest would return naturally. I did it for myself as if I was already a single person. If he had detached from me in any or all aspects, then eventually he might open up and choose to move on amicably. I had been feeling for so long like I was on a ticking time bomb yet it was always me lighting the fuse. I decided to not give up and trust the process, adjust my happiness by myself.
I was already so proud of quitting The Muse situation because it wasn’t helping anybody. I have options for intimacy in other locations around me and even those terrify me. I know now as I always knew deep down that I don’t want to go anywhere or have sex with anyone else and as far as giving my love so freely ... it felt so right yet for a person cohabiting with someone I still love… it is so, so wrong. I tried to salvage a friendship but reckon I’d pushed that boat too far out too soon and now I’ve consciously put that to an end.
I just couldn’t keep it all in because loving The Muse was my fuel for living my life. I am now trying to empty my cup of love unto my partner even if it rolls over him like nothing but waterproof boots. I will help him and let him go with love (even though he tells me he isn’t going anywhere) I will shelter him from the storm and protect him from his mental elements as best I can and I don’t mind the rain getting in my shoes and down my back. If the man I love stays safe and dry then my ‘suffering’ will be outweighed by joy for doing me and not trying to compete and just loving him the way I always want to. I was doing what ‘makes my heart sing’. That was today, maybe tomorrow I will be on a totally different level, as he is still singing the same old hurtful song (generally nasty attitude) and its still as always ‘killing me softly’. xoxoxo
Very rad Chasey! Hey just a note of thanks for ALL your inspiration and the wonderful generous and very Human spirit you imbue your one-of-kind Writing. OK Onward and Upward! Here's to Freedom -- and >permission< to explore it in the ways Artists Creatives Humans want, need and wish to! Keep up your terrific work! :)