[3/40] Chill Out Recovery & Consenting Pray

POST BIRTHDAY SUNDAY UPDATE __x 22 September 2024

Chasey Delaney

Sep 22, 2024

Hello Out There! (Looking for more subs/ Chasers, nudge x 2 wink x 2 ) Also, Love you all. xx

I want to share some sense of CALM with you but as you know I am the human version of doom, I write with melancholy at my best, boring complaints & wistful ‘Dad'-Jokes’ at worst. This letter is mostly BORING. The audio recording of a mixtape I made called recovering is far from that and will offer your loneliness some company. xx

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Stream it from SOUNDCLOUD if you prefer LINK.

It’s been 2 hours and 9 minutes since my birthday ended. Since which I have shit, showered and shaved in almost darkness. I take a reading LCD torch/lamp into the bathroom with me. I choose the amber coloured setting, sit back in the bubbles, relax, look over at a book in its resting place precariously balanced on a damp hand towel in the sink. I do all that I can to cling on to the initial enthusiasm I ever had to encourage me to set up stall and read in the comfort of the cold tub. Then the surge of irritation promoted by the urge to dip my hands in to the water overturns all effort, thought and willpower. Fuck it.. the book can wait. [For those of you who might be curious as to my bathroom reading material Currently it’s this:

THE ISLAND MARTINIQUE by JOHN EDGAR WIDEMAN

In fact everything can wait. Even the book, novel, memoir, poetry and/or essay collection/ illustrated anthology, scrapbook of sorts that the idea of has been buzzing around my head like the passing pleasure of eating a packed of rich tea biscuits, while on medication that gives you a dry mouth/stoned off your crust on a nice bag of cush/skunk or something else, and finding the moment quite nice, then bland, bit nicer, all gone - except the build up of crumbs-turned-mush annoyingly sticking to your teeth, mouth and gums. I keep returning to it like a tongue licking it from those said places, and whenever I do that it makes me want to grab another fucking ‘biscuit’ essentially, publishing some.(yes I want to write more than just one).

I would like it to be the beginning of another beautiful obsession/ um friendship. Self-publishing using KDP is the on the horizon for future 42 year old me; and as for The Muse, he came back to give me permission to ‘love him’ but as they say; ONLY LOVE CAN SET YOU FREE (I don’t know who ever said that, I’m sure I’ve adapted it from the ‘TRUTH’) because, no sooner had we conversed like that; I opened up and showed him my ‘sensible and serious side’

I wrote with great clarity and tried to be as concise as could be, no joking, no flirting, nothing like the ‘regular’ me. he mentions somewhere public that he got drunk one night and did a shit thing. I think that thing is me; as ever since he has full blown ghosted me.